****Chapter 2 – Death Drives A Stick****
On his hundredth lunge, Zlatan leapt up, Kung fu kicked the air and yelled “Hiiiiyaaaa” before falling into a chair and fastening a silk smoking jacket around him.
“I deduce that I don’t not have a drink in my hand. Wedau, you are slipping”
I sighed and got up to fix Zlatan’s favourite drink, Martini and loganberry. The loganberry of course was ordered direct from IKEA. It was also free with IKEA’s gratitude after Zlatan smashed a counterfeit catalogue ring, costing them millions. It became known as The Case of the Xerox BLÖMFOX and got Zlatan a medal from the Swedish government.
Zlatan lazed in his chair, staring into space. I was reading a magazine and the only noise was the tick of the clock. Suddenly Zlatan’s hand shot out and grabbed the TV control. The TV flashed into life, showing a Champions League match.
“Ah, Wedau. The Zlatan is happy. Good football is good football! Plus look at the score!”
I glanced over. Riejka of Croatia were dominating SSC Napoli of Italy. I turned to talk to Zlatan, but I saw his mom stiffen suddenly. His eyes bright and laser-focused on the screen. His eyebrows raised, nostrils flared, penis erect… Clearly he was on the scent of a case
“Amazing” Zlatan murmured, as Ivan Brnic rounded the keeper to complete his hat-trick to put Riejka 5-3 up. “Look at them charging. Like gazelles. Or me when there is a woman around..” The game ended and Zlatan leaned back to muse, steepling his fingers. “7-4.. This does not read well. They finished the game with 86% fitness! The Zlatan doesn’t finish a marathon sex session on 86% fitness. Not unless he has help from Colombia”
I had to admit, this did seem unlikely. “But, Zlatan, this manager Kingov Seemtree is making a lot of news recently for his good work with the Croatian side. He came from nowhere and is destined for higher things.” I said.
Zlatan nodded“Yes, yes, and for what? I must study this“. He lept up, standing proud in front of me. “Wedau! Procure me a line or two, a skipping rope and call the Escort Agency. The Zlatan is on a case!!”