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Lord of the Danske: Rebirth

Tidying up in the aftermath of the losing battle with my stomach contents and the whiskey bottle, I thought back to the call. I mean, I didn’t think my troubles would have caught up that quickly. I didn’t tell anyone where I was going either. Just fled. They must have gone through my family, I thought, scrubbing away at the floor. When I was finished, I crawled into bed, the strange house having a very comfortable four-poster bed.

I awoke to sunlight. Outside, the landscape looked pretty as a picture, only much, much colder. As I found out when I opened the window and immediately hit high C on the vocal register when the cold touched my naked body. My testicles retreated so quick into my body that they hit my tonsils and came back down. I slammed the window shut, shivering and went to have a very hot bath. Once bathed and dressed, I felt somewhat normal, or as normal as anyone could that had a different face to the one they were used to for 40 years. I googled ‘local taxis’ and was connected to a lovely sounding young woman who told me the secret to eternal life. Or asked me where I wanted to go. I don’t know, I don’t speak Danish.. I asked if she spoke
English and she replied in the positive, so I relayed the locale that I needed to get to and it was booked.

The usual F1 driver-cum-taxi operator picked me up and hurtled towards the city. Whilst approaching the speed of sound, the driver attempted to engage me in English conversation, however I was too
petrified to hold up my end of the bargain. The only thing I could remember was him saying that Denmark was quite boring soil-wise. Or I made it up due to stress, I don’t know. Screaming to a halt outside the
address, I was unceremoniously deposited on the pavement as the door I was pinned against, due to G-forces, opened. I looked up from the heap I was in. The address was a Mexican restaurant. I was
so homesick, I burst out sobbing. Hoping to compose myself before the meeting, I untangled myself and headed into the bar next door.

On ordering a drink in English, I was actually surprised to be given what I wanted and the alcohol was helping my heart rate come down, when a cough from the other end of the bar
bar brought me out of my reverie. I looked over. It looked like the same drunk I saw a day or two ago. I squinted into the gloom and a reedy voice carried to me saying
“I once saw a young chimney sweep shoot 100 feet up in the air when his master threw a tin of wood polish in the fire. The fucking state of him when he hit the ground. A holiday compared to what he’s got planned for you..” I quickly downed my drink and went next door to my fate.

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